Making a List, and...Checking it Twice?

The topic of this list is '3 Reasons Why I Can't Write Under Pressure'. Indeed, it's quite true. I always have issues thinking about what I should write about, and then when I check the time, I usually only have about a half hour left to rush through the entire thing once I start. So, here we go!

Reason 1: The first reason why I can't write under pressure is obviously because I lack the ability to quickly choose a topic from the many ideas floating around in my head. You see, some days are worse than others for this. As I said above, I usually end up brooding over a certain topic, try to write about it for roughly ten minutes, then decide that I cannot conjure up anything else to say about the topic and start all over again. This is quite a regular occurence, as this topic is in fact my fifth.

Reason 2: Although I do have a frequent lack of topic choosing skills, I also have the problem of writer's block and a rather irritating chronic fatigue issue which disallows me to write a proper essay and/or paragraph. At some point, during the writing process, I will have such a great idea that it will sprout magical pony wings, squirm its way out of my skull, then proceed to fly frantically for its imaginary life. Soon after, I'll be stuck thinking "Okay, sweet. So now that I have a half page written about a topic that I forgot and can no longer think of anything to write, why don't I start speaking in tongues? He sees the it then who cows cheese eat eye socks....."

Reason 3: To end off this rather insightful rant, I've decided to let the world know that I have a condition. Yes. It is quite serious. My condition is called 'lack-of-confidence-initis'. This condition is rather hard to deal with, on the front that, for example: Let's say my name is Bee Fee Cahw. One day, I, Bee Fee, decide to write a book. This one book is a rather short novel, as so it can be written in one day, but that's beside the point. Due to my lack-of-confidence-initis, I would most likely decide that this book of mine is a terrible literary work, and would proceed to throw it into a nearby fire. Of course, after this, I would dwell on how bad the book was and probably ruin everyone's day with the fact. With all my written works, I, Bee Fee Cahw, have taken an exponential to the power of 10x2(5-3)+c amount of time to complete any written assignments.

Thus, ladies and gentlemen, I do have quite a problem with writing under pressure. In saying so, I hope that this rant-ish list has provided you with great insight into the world that is my writing strife. I believe I see that idea adorned with magical pony wings floating above your head over there...

Top 3 Zombie Breeds of Left 4 Dead

Criteria:
-most destructive

-most harmful (to your health)

-scariest looking

-most enjoyable theme music

Choices:

The Boomer, The Hunter, The Tank, The Witch, Regular Infected, and The Smoker. (Will be updated upon release of L4D2)

Winners:

The Tank

The Tank, or Beastie as we prefer to call him, is definitely the number 1 zombie breed of Left 4 Dead. Anyone who plays the game will no doubt agree with me. Reasons for Beastie to take the grand prize are that, as stated below in my L4D reference story, he is quite destructive. As you might guess, Beastie is a rather agressive fellow--what, with turning the bones of poor innocent Louis to dust with a few well-placed, entirely overkill punches. He has the ability to beat an individual within an inch of their life in only two or so hits. Quite scary indeed, Beastie also has the man-strength to pick up small cars and hurl them at entirely suspecting victims while they run for their lives. As well, no-one is safe behind any door and/or barricade from this monstrous creature. Beastie's theme is a rather pleasant mix of quiet bass off in the distance, slowly becoming louder as Beastie approaches. It is pleasant in a rather intense sort of 'OH GOD!! WHICH WAY IS HE COMING FROM?!?!?!' feel. I get emotional just thinking about it. A best bet is to either run and shoot, or die trying!

The Witch

Second best, The Witch definitely is not far behind The Tank on a damage aspect. In fact, (as manly as she looks in this picture) she has the crazy skills to knock down a survivor in one fell swoop with her long, claw-like fingers. Immediately after doing so, she will let loose a battle screech and will commense ripping the survivor to pieces, not giving them even the slightest chance. An individual's only hope is for a fellow survivor to either set the witch on fire, to shoot her to death before she does her worst, or both. At the same time. It doesn't really matter in which order the suggested tactics are enacted, seeing as one can always set her on fire after she's dead. All in the effort of being safe, you know? One can never be too careful with zombies...The hint of a nearby witch is given off in the form of a quick, shrill, violin-esque interlude which will either become more audible and more suspenseful upon approaching closer to the witch, or will fade off completely into the distance if one successfully manages to take a route out of harm's way. The Witch will most usually take a rest right in the middle of non-avoidable path. She takes amusement at the fact that most survivors will try to run past in hopes of leaving their fellow comrades to do the startling. A witch can either be startled by a poorly aimed flashlight which might so happen to shine right in her eyes, by being in close proximity to a living being, or most commonly by being shot. She lures her victims in by crying and glowing a mysterious red colour. Most victims will think anything from "Ohh, sweet! Something red! It must be an item." to "Someone's crying? There must be another survivor! Let's go find her!!" or even "I hear a witch!! I wanna go find her! Come on!" and will search their surroundings frantically in an effort to find and startle the witch, knowingly or not. Perhaps the most calculating of the zombie breeds, The Witch never leaves an unsuspecting victim disappointed.

The Smoker

Our third place winner of the zombie breeds is The Smoker. The name, not just a clever play on words, is rather true in its essence. As one might guess, there is indeed a reason for the many fleshy bubbles scattered all over the skin of this particular zombie. He may have been a chain smoker in his human life, but who knows? He's a freaking zombie, so we shoot first, and ask questions later. The Smoker's job in Left 4 Dead is to hide in the obscure distance until the time is right to reel in a survivor with his exceedingly long tongue. The only warning of a nearby smoker is a brief low octave piano riff. It is distinct, yes, but helpful? Not really. It's the same as the Microsoft Word paperclip assistant. Does it really answer your questions? "Since there is a smoker nearby, in approximately how long will I get dragged off?" , "Will I be the one who is dragged?" , "Is the smoker coming from behind, or in front of le zombie resistance?" , "What is the rough calculation of the metric distance between me and said smoker?" The answers to these very reasonable questions you'll never know, because by the time you've rounded the next corner, preoccupied with ponderings, you will have already been grabbed. The tongue of The Smoker will encircle you and prevent you from any escape, unless you manage to shoot The Smoker before it reels you in. If one manages to succeed in shooting The Smoker, it will explode in a cloud of green haze and the threat will be gone. If not...dragging you away from the beaten path to somewhere your comrades will most likely not find you in time, The Smoker will hold you in place with its tongue and rip away at your flesh. Scream for help while you can, because you're in for one heck of a ride!!

Super Power

Hm...I think, if I were to have ONLY one superpower, I would most likely choose the ability to hold my breath forever, and for my eardrums not to explode at extreme underwater depths. Why? Say, one day, the world magically sinks into the ocean. Who'd survive that? Me. That's right. Of course, most likely being the only on-land organism to survive that ordeal, I'd probably be bored out of my mind with no-one to talk to...and then of course there's the possibility that I would be eaten by a shark or killer whale.....Well, nevermind that scenario. Let's say that the world DIDN'T sink into the ground. Then perhaps I could become a world champ at deep sea diving and win many awards at the olympics somehow....Okay, no. ACTUALLY, I want my superpower to be teleportation. "Oh hey! Where's The Enigmatic Banana? Isn't she going to be late for class?? OH! There she is!" Or say I had to do a project for school on Japan. I've never been to Japan, so I wouldn't know really anything about life there. With the power of teleportation, I could go to Japan in an instant in the middle of class and come back a few minutes later with a very well photographed rendition of country life. Say maybe I want to go on the Europe trip this year that I'm not allowed to go on because it costs alot of money. Well, with the power of teleportation, I could be at the airport in Europe about 8-10 hours before the airplane actually gets there. Anyhow, the power of teleportation is quite superior to the spoon. The reason this is so awesome is that mostly, I could teleport myself out of an ethics discussion with my dad. All hail illegal, quick, free travel!

L4D

Once upon a time, in L4D land, I was creeping my way down the hall, avoiding zombies left right and center. As my comrade Zoey and I rounded the corner, we came upon an empty hallway. This hallway was suspiciously lacking in zombies....Quite suspicious...Searching for medical equipment and such, Zoey slowly turned the handle of one of the many doors in this hall, she saw Beastie. In all his glory he sat, stunned for a moment at the sudden intrusion, then realized what had happened and punched my friend with full force, sending her body flying across the hall. "I'm sorry, man!" I sreamed, as I ran up the staircase, leaving Zoey for dead...