Top 3 Zombie Breeds of Left 4 Dead

Criteria:
-most destructive

-most harmful (to your health)

-scariest looking

-most enjoyable theme music

Choices:

The Boomer, The Hunter, The Tank, The Witch, Regular Infected, and The Smoker. (Will be updated upon release of L4D2)

Winners:

The Tank

The Tank, or Beastie as we prefer to call him, is definitely the number 1 zombie breed of Left 4 Dead. Anyone who plays the game will no doubt agree with me. Reasons for Beastie to take the grand prize are that, as stated below in my L4D reference story, he is quite destructive. As you might guess, Beastie is a rather agressive fellow--what, with turning the bones of poor innocent Louis to dust with a few well-placed, entirely overkill punches. He has the ability to beat an individual within an inch of their life in only two or so hits. Quite scary indeed, Beastie also has the man-strength to pick up small cars and hurl them at entirely suspecting victims while they run for their lives. As well, no-one is safe behind any door and/or barricade from this monstrous creature. Beastie's theme is a rather pleasant mix of quiet bass off in the distance, slowly becoming louder as Beastie approaches. It is pleasant in a rather intense sort of 'OH GOD!! WHICH WAY IS HE COMING FROM?!?!?!' feel. I get emotional just thinking about it. A best bet is to either run and shoot, or die trying!

The Witch

Second best, The Witch definitely is not far behind The Tank on a damage aspect. In fact, (as manly as she looks in this picture) she has the crazy skills to knock down a survivor in one fell swoop with her long, claw-like fingers. Immediately after doing so, she will let loose a battle screech and will commense ripping the survivor to pieces, not giving them even the slightest chance. An individual's only hope is for a fellow survivor to either set the witch on fire, to shoot her to death before she does her worst, or both. At the same time. It doesn't really matter in which order the suggested tactics are enacted, seeing as one can always set her on fire after she's dead. All in the effort of being safe, you know? One can never be too careful with zombies...The hint of a nearby witch is given off in the form of a quick, shrill, violin-esque interlude which will either become more audible and more suspenseful upon approaching closer to the witch, or will fade off completely into the distance if one successfully manages to take a route out of harm's way. The Witch will most usually take a rest right in the middle of non-avoidable path. She takes amusement at the fact that most survivors will try to run past in hopes of leaving their fellow comrades to do the startling. A witch can either be startled by a poorly aimed flashlight which might so happen to shine right in her eyes, by being in close proximity to a living being, or most commonly by being shot. She lures her victims in by crying and glowing a mysterious red colour. Most victims will think anything from "Ohh, sweet! Something red! It must be an item." to "Someone's crying? There must be another survivor! Let's go find her!!" or even "I hear a witch!! I wanna go find her! Come on!" and will search their surroundings frantically in an effort to find and startle the witch, knowingly or not. Perhaps the most calculating of the zombie breeds, The Witch never leaves an unsuspecting victim disappointed.

The Smoker

Our third place winner of the zombie breeds is The Smoker. The name, not just a clever play on words, is rather true in its essence. As one might guess, there is indeed a reason for the many fleshy bubbles scattered all over the skin of this particular zombie. He may have been a chain smoker in his human life, but who knows? He's a freaking zombie, so we shoot first, and ask questions later. The Smoker's job in Left 4 Dead is to hide in the obscure distance until the time is right to reel in a survivor with his exceedingly long tongue. The only warning of a nearby smoker is a brief low octave piano riff. It is distinct, yes, but helpful? Not really. It's the same as the Microsoft Word paperclip assistant. Does it really answer your questions? "Since there is a smoker nearby, in approximately how long will I get dragged off?" , "Will I be the one who is dragged?" , "Is the smoker coming from behind, or in front of le zombie resistance?" , "What is the rough calculation of the metric distance between me and said smoker?" The answers to these very reasonable questions you'll never know, because by the time you've rounded the next corner, preoccupied with ponderings, you will have already been grabbed. The tongue of The Smoker will encircle you and prevent you from any escape, unless you manage to shoot The Smoker before it reels you in. If one manages to succeed in shooting The Smoker, it will explode in a cloud of green haze and the threat will be gone. If not...dragging you away from the beaten path to somewhere your comrades will most likely not find you in time, The Smoker will hold you in place with its tongue and rip away at your flesh. Scream for help while you can, because you're in for one heck of a ride!!